


Ironic Processing

by Shaded Mazoku (Ashkaztra)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: 5+1 Things, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-20
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2018-01-13 05:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1213873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashkaztra/pseuds/Shaded%20Mazoku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ironic processing is the psychological process whereby an individual's deliberate attempts to suppress or avoid certain thoughts render those thoughts more persistent.</p><p>(Or; Five times John found himself thinking about kissing Todd and one time he didn't think at all.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ironic Processing

**Author's Note:**

> For the SGA Smooch Finish-a-thon. This has been on my to-write list since ... *checks* Over a year at least.

1.  
 

The first time it occurs to him, they are on a supposedly abandoned planet, hiding from rogue Genii, which is almost amusingly familiar. Especially since these Genii are amateurs compared to Kolya and his men, and as such, they are really more of a nuisance than a real threat. There is just a lot of them all over the place, and John doesn't quite feel like being shot at. The mission was supposed to be a simple retrieval of a database from an Ancient outpost that another team had visited earlier and disabled the defences of.  
   
At the moment, their alliance with Todd and his Hive are on good terms. For whatever reason, Todd seems to prefer them as allies to some of his own kind, which doesn't surprise John as much as it possibly should because the Wraith civil war is getting sort of out of hand at this point and Atlantis is a powerful ally to have.  
   
Todd is nothing if not pragmatic.  
   
He is also, at the moment, perched in a crouch on a sturdy-looking branch in a particularly big tree, looking a bit like a really creepy gargoyle. Rodney has the space flu and Zelenka dislikes going off-world, so John figured he’d just take Todd along. He knows Ancient technology almost as well as any of their specialists, though from a different perspective, and he is usually good company when he is not plotting anything in particular. He also makes a lot of people nervous simply by being around them, so it seemed a good idea to get him away for a while.  
   
Neither of them expected to find themselves dodging Genii again, in a pale echo of their first meeting.  
   
The Genii has not seen them yet, which could be a sign of just how untrained they are, but John happens to know that he's not half bad at stealth and Todd is so good at it even John can't always pinpoint his location unless he's looking directly at the Wraith, and even then, he seems to blur somehow. John doesn't think he'll be out-stealthing the ten thousand years old ambush predator with psychic powers any time soon.  
   
It was Todd's idea to climb the tree in the first place. Not a suggestion, that would have meant actually asking for John's opinion. Instead, he'd climbed into the massive elm-like tree without a word. John, who could not jump as high as a Wraith could, had not been too pleased at first, but he has come around by now, because the Genii are walking about below them without even looking up, and the branches of the tree are massive enough to actually make decent perches. They are within viewing distance of the gate, so they can keep track of the Genii coming and going, and they can overhear them talking.  
   
Apparently they are planning a takeover attempt, fuelled by youth and radical ideas, and honestly, John is a little embarrassed at their behalf. He feels like he should be tracking down their parents and tell them what their children are up to, and suddenly he feels very old.  
   
On his perch, Todd looks like he feels the same way, his expression somewhere between amused and exasperated.  
   
Truthfully, as missions go, this is not bad. John hasn't been shot, nobody is dying, there's no rush to do anything, and there are no Wraith. Todd doesn't count. He's not being particularly Wraithy at the moment, even though he does look like a bad horror or sci-fi villain perched on a branch like that.  
   
Honestly, John's only real problem at the moment is that the sheer ridiculousness of their situation keeps making him want to just laugh, which would draw undue attention.  
   
If the Genii look up, they will see them.  
   
Actually, if the Genii look up and see a Wraith perched like that, looking half like he is about to leap down and kill them all, they will probably panic, because these are not fully trained Genii soldiers, just young men with plans and dreams that are far too big for them.  
   
And Todd? Todd is scary. That's not necessarily a bad thing, just a fact of life. It's not really a malicious kind of scary, at least not normally, just the scary that comes with being a very old, very dangerous creature. That's the thing that lets him have a semi-friendly relationship with Todd in the first place. For all that Todd is an ancient, powerful Wraith, he doesn't seem to want to hurt John or any of the Atlantis expedition. The ability to hurt them is definitely there, but not the intent.  
   
Not that John thinks for a moment that Todd wouldn't hurt them if it came down to it, because he is ruthless as hell when he has to be, but he doesn't seem to want to do it. If he had to, John would hurt him, too. That's the unfortunate nature of their alliance. He wouldn't like it, though. When Todd is on their side, he is actually pretty fun to be around.  
   
Also, if he was entirely honest with himself, he didn't have the best hopes of coming out on top if Todd and he ever had to fight each other. Another reason to stay allies as long as they could. Especially when inconveniently stuck up a tree.  
   
All in all, their situation is actually pretty ridiculous.  
   
John shakes his head in resigned amusement and looks over at where Todd is perching.  
   
Apparently, the Wraith has reached the same conclusion about their predicament as John has, because he’s actually smiling. Not that smug smile he gets whenever he manages to outwit them, or when he’s subtly mocking the expedition, but a genuinely amused smile. He’s perched like some kind of gargoyle on his branch, looking down at the field between them and the gate, where the Genii are milling about, and just smiling.  
   
For a moment, John’s breath is caught in his throat.  
   
He has never seen Todd look like that before. Usually, he’s always somewhat restrained unless he’s very angry, holding himself back from being too relaxed around them, alliance or not. It’s for a good reason, of course, as they don’t really trust Todd any more than he trusts them, and both sides are always aware of this, which shows in the attitude they have towards each other. Even when they’re sort of joking with each other, and that happens increasingly frequently, they never truly let their guards down.  
   
The side Todd is showing at the moment is a side of him John has never seen, and it occurs to him that this is probably the kind of thing Wraith find fun; silently stalking their prey from the shadows. Todd, at least, has always shown more of a predisposition to being an ambush predator than the sort to chase someone down. It just seems more natural for a patient, cunning Wraith like him. That said, John is also fairly sure Todd feeds before he comes to Atlantis in case they lock him up again, and that he’s simply having fun.  
   
When he smiles like that, John notices, Todd is absolutely striking.  
   
The thought is unbidden and surprising. He has always know that Todd is probably attractive by Wraith standards, and even to a certain extent by human standards, but it’s nothing he has ever even considered before. He has always been too concerned with the fact that he’s a Wraith.  
   
Now, having apparently temporarily and inconveniently forgotten about that, he finds it hard to stop considering it or even stop looking at Todd.  
   
It's strange to see him like that, in broad daylight, though it shouldn't be, because John has seen Todd more than he has ever seen any other Wraith. However, every time they are planet-side, there's always some sort of rush, and Wraith just don't look right in broad daylight. They look like they belong in the night, all shadows and pale hair, so the warm light through the canopy of leaves just looks wrong.  
   
The shade from the leaves is a lot softer than the harsh shades of fluorescent light or the perpetual semi-darkness of a hive ship. It does things to Todd’s facial structure that shouldn’t be allowed, both softening and emphasizing his features, and John can’t quite tear his eyes away.    
   
He has always had a certain curiosity about the Wraith that he has never been able to indulge considering their generally hostile disposition, because the concept of space vampires is cool even if the genuine article generally isn't, but he has never really considered indulging it, either. Now, though, caught up in the moment, he thinks he’d really like to just touch Todd, to see what his skin and hair would feel like under his fingers.

He wonders how it would feel to kiss him. Those teeth should be a deterrent if nothing else was, but it’s not, not really. He doesn’t even know if Wraith do kiss, but if they do, they must have figured out what to do with their teeth, and Todd normally knows exactly how much strength he can use with a human or how sharp his claws are. It probably wouldn’t be a problem.

John can’t believe he is even considering it.

Todd must have noticed him staring, because he looks at him, giving him that expression John knows means that he thinks humans are all crazy and tilting his head slightly.

Immediately and uncomfortably aware that Todd is technically a telepath and that he doesn’t quite buy into the idea that only female Wraith can read human minds, John tries very hard to stop thinking about Wraith at all and focus on keeping an eyes on the junior insurgents below them.

Only insanity awaits in that mental direction.

   
2.

   
The meeting has gone on forever. Maybe not literally forever, but it feels like it has been years. 

Woolsey has decided that all new personnel on Atlantis should sit through a mandatory briefing, and John has to admit that it seems like a good idea. They'd come to Atlantis and the Pegasus galaxy without any idea of what they were doing, and that had only caused them trouble. Had they known what had been waiting for them, they probably wouldn't have ended up waking the Wraith in the first place, and would have saved themselves a lot of trouble in the long run. Better to collect them all in the mess hall, where there is room, and make them sit through a briefing. 

The idea is definitely a good one.

Unfortunately, Woolsey can be a little long-winded at times, and this is one of them. 

John likes Woolsey. The man had been rather unpleasant at first, and a stickler for his precious rules, but he'd stepped up to the plate as head of the expedition and had long since proved himself. He likes his speeches and formalities, though, and John would be lying if he said he hadn't zoned out after a while and stopped paying too much attention. At least until Woolsey had finished his presentation and called John up to do his part of the briefing. 

The problem is that most of the new arrivals are young and cocky, and like to question every rule and regulation that isn't what they're used to back on Earth. Some of them have been with SGC for a while, but even so, the Atlantis expedition does not do things in the same way as the SGC. Apparently, "because Wraith" is not a good enough explanation for them, which he supposes makes sense. None of the newcomers have ever met a Wraith. Of course they don't know to fear them. 

A sudden idea comes to mind, and he walks over to Carson and asks him to do his part of the briefing first. Carson looks surprised, but does as John asks, though not without a strange look as John walks out of the room and into the corridor.

He had scoffed at the idea of the Wraith at first, too, until he'd come face to face with them and had seen what they could do. It was better for everyone if that first meeting with Wraith took place safely, but still scared them enough to get some common sense into the lot. 

He finds Todd and his guards in the library, the Wraith apparently engrossed in the book in front of him, ignoring the soldiers John has assigned to watch him entirely. 

He looks up as John walks in, tilting his head slightly. "Should you not be in a meeting?" He asks, curiosity in his voice. 

"Yes," John agrees. "Want to come scare some sense into the newcomers?" 

Todd grins at him, teeth too numerous and too sharp, and gets to his feet, closing the book. "You want me to frighten them?" He asks, walking closer. 

Nodding, John motions to the guards to leave them. He's not particularly concerned that Todd intends to do anything to harm the expedition. They're too useful to him still. "They need to see what a Wraith really is for themselves," he says, beginning to walk back to the mess hall. "Their overconfidence will get them killed if they don't learn to be afraid." 

"Fear can be healthy," Todd agrees, falling in next to John, as though it is no effort for him at all to match his strides to John's shorter ones. 

"Do Wraith even feel fear?" John asks, because he's never seen a Wraith be genuinely afraid. Not that he has noticed, at least.

Todd makes a strange sound, not quite identifiable. "All living things feel fear, Sheppard," he says, never breaking stride. "We have simply had the time to learn to hide it." 

Considering Todd's age and power, John decides that he'd rather not encounter anything that frightens him. It's hard to imagine anything scaring a Wraith. Situations, perhaps, but he doesn't think there is any one creature that does. 

They return to the mess hall just in time to catch the end of Carson's presentation, a cautionary tale of allergies and illnesses Earth humans have no antibodies against, and linger in the back until he finishes. John steps up next, to do his part of the presentation, and without being asked, Todd stays out of the way at first, waiting for the timing to be right. John is a good halfway into his speech when Todd glides into motion, all fluid menace in every calculated movement, the intimidation coming off of him effortlessly. 

Every head in the crowd is turned towards him, and Todd clearly knows it, finally coming to a halt at the edge of the improvised podium, head held high and posture tense, as though he's about to snap into motion at any moment. He knows exactly what he is doing and he's deliberately playing up the menacing angle. 

Few of the people there will ever question the danger of Wraith again. Even Todd, who is as friendly as Wraith ever get, is clearly dangerous, and John might almost count him as a friend, but that doesn't mean he doesn't think he's dangerous. This is what they needed to see, what exactly a Wraith is and why they should be feared. It's not their abilities alone, it's their culture and their intelligence as much as anything else. 

Clearly having fun keeping their attention, Todd continues to use John's speech as his cue, every now and then demonstrating his strength and speed like it's nothing to him. It's a shame he's not one of the projecting Wraith, because it'd been helpful to show that off, to warn them of what they might be up against, but John has no complaints about Todd's performance.

Barely restrained malice drips off of every movement, and he's doing that wraithy grin, showing more teeth than what could ever be taken as friendly.

There's no more interruptions from the crowd, no comments or derisive laughs. Todd has their attentions captured like cocooned prey, and he's making the most of it.

He looks damn impressive like that, every inch the ten thousand year old Wraith commander he is, showing why he's such an accomplished part of Wraith society, and nobody would dare defy him. Simply by being there, he is making John's job much easier.

John could kiss him. 

If his displeasure at the return of that train of thought shows, nobody notices, glued as their eyes are to Todd. 

 

3.

 

John has done some things he's not proud of in his time, but losing a stargate is a new low for him.

Technically, he hasn't lost it. He knows perfectly well where it is, but the landslide he accidentally set off has sent the gate to the bottom of a very deep and very narrow ravine, and there is no way down. It can still be dialled, miraculously, so he manages to inform Atlantis of what has happened, and that he needs a lift. 

The Daedalus is still on Earth waiting for supplies, and there is no gate near enough to get him by puddle jumper, so he retreats away from the rocky slopes onto a nearby highland. There is water enough, and there are trees to fashion a shelter and rabbit-like creatures to provide food, but it's still a long wait ahead. The world is uninhabited, though, so he feels safe building a camp-fire at least. The days are not too cold, but the nights get chilly, and the fire is well worth the unwanted insect attention. Three million light years from Earth and mosquitoes are still a problem. Space mosquitoes. He wonders if they are related to the Wraith. 

By the time the second day is coming to an end, he is already well and thoroughly bored. He needs to start bringing books on off world missions or something, in case of getting stuck somewhere. It's hardly the first time he has been prevented from returning in a reasonable time. As far as places to get stranded goes, the planet isn't bad. The climate isn't too harsh, and he has yet to see any large or dangerous predators around. There is shelter and water, and no sand all over the place, which he considers a win. It is just dull. 

By the fourth day, he has managed to fashion a spear out of a stick, his knife and the emergency roll of extra strong tape he found in his bag and is teaching himself how to spear fish. He's not very good at it, but he manages to catch two small fish that he roasts and eats with relish. He has never been a survivalist, but he's not about to curl up and die, either, and while he's not Ronon, he's still capable of staying alive. He's just bored half to death, cranky and in desperate need of a shave. He looks ridiculous with a beard, his facial hair about as willing to cooperate as the rest of his hair.

On day six, he has to chase off a bunch of wolf-rat hybrids from his improvised camp, which proves to be exhausting. They're not all that aggressive, but there are a lot of them, and they have no fear of humans. They are afraid of fire, though, and eventually, he manages to chase them all off by waving flaming branches at them like a lunatic. He's unharmed, but exhausted, and ends up going to bed early. 

He wakes in the middle of the night to find three moons in the sky, two of them full moons, stars scattered across the sky like discarded glitter. It's too bright in Atlantis to see the stars like this, and he is always happy when he manages to catch the sight, even if the night sky only makes him feel even more lost than ever, none of the stars anything like the ones he knows. He used to see the night sky like this in Afghanistan, out in the less populated areas at night, and he had always liked that, knowing that the stars were the same as he'd always known, even if the country was a different one and there was sand and stone beneath his feet, not grass and dirt like it had been when he was little. No matter the planet, the night sky is always beautiful, even if none of the stars match up and nothing looks familiar. He ends up sitting there watching the stars for a long while before he finally goes back to bed.

Day eight brings a rainstorm, and he huddles in his shelter and tries to stay as dry as he can. It's miserable and wet out there, and the rain falls so heavily that he can't see very far ahead of him. He considers moving, trying to find a cave or something that would be drier, but he doesn't want to risk falling off of a cliff or something, so he stays in his shelter and wraps himself into the fire blanket from his first aid kit. The rain is loud, too, an ever-present background noise. As such, he isn't aware of the new presence until they're close enough to touch. 

He has a moment of panicked scrambling, only worsened when he recognises the figure as unmistakably Wraith, until a familiar voice interrupts him. 

"Sheppard," Todd greets him, looking down at him from underneath a massive hood, which is new. John hasn't seen Wraith wear those before, but then, he hasn't seen Wraith in the rain before, either. The hood makes Todd look a bit like the grim reaper, but John is inexplicably happy to see him, happy enough that he doesn't care that he almost gave him a heart attack. 

"I heard you were stranded," Todd continues, amusement evident in his voice, though it's unclear if he's amused at the situation as a whole or just John's reaction. "My hive ship was closer than your Daedalus is."

This time, when the impulse to kiss Todd pops up in his mind, John barely notices, too busy looking forward to being dry and away from the planet again. 

 

4\. 

 

The disadvantage of getting a ride from Todd is that the hive ship is, naturally, full of Wraith. 

Actually, it's not exactly full of Wraith. There are more of them than John would prefer to be around, but the capacity of a hive ship is in the thousands and Todd's hive isn't even two hundred Wraith strong, most of which are scientists. It's not like they are aggressive or opposed to his presence, even. Most of them simply ignore him, and he has been given free run of the ship, more or less. One of the engineers, a tall Wraith with half of his head shaved, stops him at one point and warns him against falling into the engine cores or the dart bay, but the only places he is not allowed is in the private chambers, and he doesn't particularly want to be there, either. 

The hive ship is not as fast as the Daedalus, which means there's a longer journey to get back to a planet with an accessible gate, but John has been able to send a message to Atlantis, so they're aware of what's going on, so it only means a bit more waiting, and whatever else he can say about hive ships and Wraith, they're not dull, unlike the planet he was trapped on. He has taken to frequenting the busier parts of the ship, bringing his meals and watching the Wraith just interact. He has learned a few new things during the journey, though not as much as he could if Wraith spoke out loud when talking to each other. 

One of the things he has learned is that the Wraith grasp of food is interesting. He had been surprised that Todd had human food around at all, but his meals are all dried meat and fruit, nuts, hard crackers and some kind of tofu-like protein sponge. It does what it's supposed to do, keeping him fed, but it's hardly inspiring food. If this is what they eat as children, it's no wonder the thought of solid food does nothing to inspire them. He wonders what they'd make of candy and desserts. 

Occasionally, one of the scientists will come over and talk to him, two of them more often than the rest. John suspects they're both younger Wraith, young and surprisingly friendly. Both will usually stand around and chat with him until they get called away by other Wraith, typically the half-shaved engineer or the surprisingly small Wraith John thinks is the head scientist. By that time, John is usually bored with random Wraith-watching and gets up, wandering up to the bridge to watch Todd work instead. 

The bridge is very rarely crowded. Usually, there are four or five Wraith around, working on silently on something. Silently to human perception, at least, though they might be constantly communicating for all John knows. Currently, there are four Wraith there. Todd is there, of course, because that is where he usually is. Kenny is there as well, definitely talking to Todd about something from the way their body language responded to each other. There is another Wraith working with a panel in the background, ignoring the rest of them as far as John can tell, and yet another Wraith all the way in the back of the room, watching display screens and looming. He is the largest Wraith John has ever seen, but he doesn't seem at all aggressive. Just large. 

John is sitting on a ledge next to some panels, because the Wraith have apparently not invented movable chairs, all the chairs they have stuck firmly to the floor as if growing out of it. It's not a bad place to sit, though, because the machinery and walls are slightly warm, in a pleasant way, and there is no way to sneak up on him from behind. 

It turns out to be an even better place to sit when suddenly there is a commotion and the main display comes on, revealing an unfamiliar, and decidedly unpleasant-looking, Wraith. He demands to know what they're doing there, and he sounds very self- important. John's perch is not visible from the display, so he can watch in safety without causing suspicion. 

The displays don't work with the telepathy, the distance between the ships too far, and Todd replies verbally, his tone calm and decidedly disdainful. He is not impressed with the Wraith on the screen and it shows, and John suddenly remembers how old Todd actually is, and how powerful. He doesn't show it in aggression because he doesn't have to, but his posture changes, going from relaxed to imperious. 

The last days, John has been amazed at how close Wraith can be, but these are Wraith of the same hive, who presumably like each other. The Wraith on the screen is not of this hive, and Todd clearly doesn't like him, and it changes his entire disposition and makes John wonder how he could ever think Todd saw the expedition as enemies. This is Todd with an enemy, sharp and harsh and entirely in control, and the Commander attitude is back. It has none of the underlying playfulness it'd had when he was displaying for the new expedition members, though. This time, there is just steel and confidence, and the other Wraith tries in vain to intimidate back, but his attempts fail entirely.

By the time the transmission is cut of, following a frustrated snarl from the Wraith on the screen as nothing went his way, Todd has effectively run him over repeatedly, effortlessly dominant, and John's mouth is dry. He has been staring, mouth open, he realises, and shifts slightly, snapping his mouth shut and hoping not to draw any attention. He's not sure if he could deal with Todd giving him that look.

The urge to kiss him is back, but this time, the motivation is a lot more carnal. 

Apparently, it's not only Wraith John is learning new things about. 

 

5\. 

 

For all that John has adapted to being in command, it was not something he had ever expected, and not really wanted either. He is good at the part involving missions and combat strategy and decisions, but he is terrible at the more unpleasant parts of his duties. Disciplinary actions towards his subordinates is never something to be taken lightly. Sometimes, it's well deserved, he will admit that much, and he doesn't feel too bad about punishing someone if they deserved it, even if he supposes it's arrogant of him to decide who deserves it or not. John is far from a saint, but he likes to think he's at least a decent person most of the time, and as long as his people are, too, he doesn't see the need for punishment.

This, though, is different, because he can deal with his people disobeying orders if they have a good reason. He can't really say much about that, honestly. Most things that should cause disciplinary actions are things he is willing to overlook if there is a good explanation for it. He knows he's more lax with them then he should be, but he really hates disciplinary actions. This time he has no real choice, though, because someone has reported it to the higher ups and he has to deal with it.

There has been a meeting called, with all senior staff present, which apparently includes Todd these days, when he is on Atlantis at least. John supposes it makes sense. Todd is ten thousand years old. It's hard to get more senior than that. He feels bad for Sgt. Fairburn, though, who looks as though he is facing a firing squad. Not surprisingly, with so many people focusing on him, one of which is a Wraith. John swears the sergeant looks more concerned about John's presence than Todd's, though that does make sense. 

Todd may be a Wraith, but he is a Wraith who generally doesn't hurt expedition members without good reason. He's not particularly aggressive towards the military, and rarely at all towards the scientists, unless it's Rodney and he's being particularly difficult. Even then, it usually only gets him a flash of teeth and a growl, mostly because that's all that's needed. 

John, on the other hand, is Fairburn's direct superior, and the one in charge of any disciplinary actions. Fairburn has good reason to worry about him. 

Sighing, John begins reading the report he has been given. 

He hates the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy more than he has words for, and having to use it makes him feel awful. There is a knot in his stomach that won't go away, because the policy is bullshit and he's a bisexual male, and he feels like the universe's biggest hypocrite citing the policy to anyone. 

Fairburn is pale and nervous, but he holds his head high, refusing to denounce his relationship with Dr. Rosenfeld, who isn't present. There is no Don't Ask, Don't Tell for the civilian personnel. 

Some days, John really hates his job.

Looking around, nobody seems particularly pleased. Rodney is uncharacteristically silent, not a single complaint. Teyla is visibly upset, but can't do anything about it, and Ronon looks angry. There was no such policy among the Athosians or Satedans either, and they had not been happy when they were told of it. Woolsey just looks grim, and John knows that feeling. On his other side, because John is the only one who doesn't mind sitting next to him, Todd has been listening with his head tilted like he often does, and now he looks angry as well, which is not helping the tension in the room at all. 

He doesn't say anything until the end, however, knowing better than to interrupt. Woolsey is the one to ask, apparently wanting to defuse a potentially dangerous situation. 

Making a disgusted growl, Todd scowls at them. "Your people would punish someone for who they chose to share their lives with and you call Wraith cruel? It is interesting how you get to pick and chose who are the monsters when you treat your own far worse than we do. There are times I must wonder why I chose to ally with you in the first place; you may loathe to ally with monsters, but at least we do not reject our kin for arbitrary reasons."

Most of them are staring at him now, surprised. 

"You eat people," Rodney mutters, though he doesn't sound too confident for once.

Todd bares his teeth in that not at all friendly grin Wraith do. "Yes," he says. "We do, and we do not regret our actions, but we feed because we must. It is not a matter of morality. It is a matter of survival. If I were to feed on you right now, Dr. McKay, it would be because I have not fed in a while and I am starting to get very hungry. It would not be because I think you are a lesser being. A particularly annoying one at times, perhaps, but there is no right or wrong. There is feeding or starvation."

Rodney does not say anything else, smart enough to know that parts of that was probably a warning. 

"I do not contest your actions towards my people, because I understand your anger. But you do not get to claim that Wraith are wrong and humans are right. It is not that simple, and this proves that you are not a flawless people," Todd continues, indicating the papers with one clawed hand. "I sit here and watch as a man is punished for something that should not affect his duties at all, and you claim you are better than Wraith?"

Even Ronon has nothing to say, though it's hard to say if he agrees or is too angry to respond.

Woolsey clears his throat. "It's the law," he says. "Even if we don't agree, and I'd wager none of us do, we have no choice. Surely Wraith have laws?"

"Not to regulate who someone may bond with, no, unless it is a blood-kin Queen, and that is less about the morality and more about the strength of our future generations. We have laws, but they do not dictate our private lives. What my hive-kin do with themselves when not on duty is of no concern to me. I cannot see any reason why I should." Todd's voice was a dry, rasping sound now, his displeasure evident. 

"It's about religion," Fairburn says, looking very surprised that he had spoken. "At least that's the excuse."

Hissing, Todd gets to his feet, towering above the rest of them, sitting down as they were. "You are telling me this is all because one of your religions, which I understand you humans kill each over frequently, claims there is something shameful about taking a partner of the same gender?" He sounded incredulous at this point. "I am strongly beginning to consider finding allies elsewhere, before you decide to inflict your laws on my kind as well."

He walks over to the door, scowling at them all. "If you intend to detain every member of my hive who has had a partner of the same sex, you will need more cells. A lot more, as you will have to detain all my hive-kin, excluding the drones. I suggest you start with me, to make it easier on you. I will have no part of this ridiculousness."

Turning his head briefly, he gives Fairburn a brief nod. "You defend your bonded with loyalty. He should be honoured." 

The guards outside look surprised as Todd stalks past them, his coat billowing behind him, before scurrying to follow. 

As the door closes, they look at each other. Most of them look stunned. Fairburn looks completely put out by the fact that he just had a Wraith stand up for him. 

John is watching the door Todd left through, his heart seeming to want to claw its way up his throat. He is stunned by Todd's actions as well, because it's very rare for him to go off like that, but there's a part of him that clings to the fact that Todd had just confessed to having an interest in men. It's the same part that wants to chase after him and kiss him, the part he really needs not to listen to or it'll be him in Fairburn's place. 

Besides, Todd is interested in male Wraith, and John is human. He tells himself that like a mantra, chanting it in the back of his head. 

The rest of the meeting goes quickly, no more interruptions, just a group of humans feeling terrible about their actions. They get the report ready to send to the SGC, to let them decide the final outcome for Fairburn. In the meantime, John has to separate him from Rosenfeld on their team, switching Fairburn with a sergeant from another gate team, and has to forbid him from seeing him in private. He hates every moment of it.

He makes sure to add the fact that their very useful Wraith ally who knows far more than he's telling is very displeased at the use of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and at what it entails, because what is the point in having Wraith around if you can't threaten someone with them. John has never claimed to be morally superior to anyone. He does what he must when he can, and sometimes, that means less than pleasant things. Like subtle threats in his report. He's pretty sure Todd already knows the location of Earth, he simply isn't interested in it. 

When the replies comes, days later, it's both good and bad news. Because Fairburn has been on Atlantis so long, and has skills and training they need there, and because Rosenfeld has threatened to leave and he is in charge of hydroponics, and maybe because of the threat of angry Wraith as well, Fairburn is given a warning and a mark on his file, much like the "disobeys authorities" mark on John's own, but he is allowed to stay. He's formally forbidden from having any contact with Rosenfeld though.

There's a small note from General O'Neill attached, telling them it's not forever, that there are wheels in motion to repeal the policy, a promise that it won't last forever, a small comfort in a sea of unpleasantness.

John stares at the note and tries very hard not to think about Todd. Not surprisingly, he fails. 

(Well over a year later, Fairburn and Rosenfeld get married in the gate room, with the gate as their backdrop. Teyla has brought Halling to officiate the wedding, as he is a religious leader and the closes to one native to the city unless they want to go ask Chaya to come marry them. Fairburn is in dress uniform, Rosenfeld in formal wear, and they wear Athosian flower crowns and Satedan wedding bracers, one of the few good things to come from the previous year a strong friendship with Teyla and Ronon. Torren is ring bearer, very enthusiastically, and there are Wraith at the ceremony. Todd has brought the small head scientist and the massive officer, who is apparently a married couple themselves and interested in seeing the ceremony. It's a strange, mixed-up ceremony, part Athosian and part Jewish, as Fairburn isn't religious himself, and the wedding canopy is made by Athosians using Satedan techniques and earth materials. They even ask the Wraith if they have any wedding traditions that could be incorporated, but apparently Wraith marriage is a private affair, just an exchange of promises between the partners. There is a mental component, of course, because they're Wraith and that's how they work, but nothing that can be included. 

The Wraith head scientist jokingly suggests that his contribution has been making Todd brush his hair out for the ceremony. John kind of wishes he hadn't. It's distracting.

The ceremony is simple, but effective, and there is cake and champagne. The newly-weds are ridiculously happy, and giddy like teenagers. 

If only all conflicts ended like this, John thinks. He's terrible at being married himself, but he's not naive enough to think that the problem there is the marriage. He knows better. These two has had their relationship tempered in adversity and defiance, though. They'll be fine.)

 

\+ 1

 

Missions are normally demanding enough, but because Ronon and Teyla are both off world and Rodney is on Earth visiting Jeannie, John finds himself trudging around on a planet with only Todd for company. Of course, Todd is a very skilled fighter and can keep up with Rodney on most occasions, so John doesn't feel that the mission is technically lacking in expertise, but he still doesn't think it's a good idea to run around there with only a Wraith for company.

They have a two-fold mission there, though, not only to document the information from a set of stone tablets, but also to test out a disguise the Wraith have invented that is actually really clever. It works by projecting a holographic field over a Wraith that allows them to look human. Apparently, the idea was inspired by reading about the Asgard, and refined a little, because unlike the Asgard, Wraith are close enough to human that accidental touch and contact won't give them off. Disturbingly enough, the device is implanted in Todd's back currently, though the Wraith seems unaffected. 

He makes a strange-looking human, features a bit too sharp and angular, and he has only been convinced to make his hair dark because white hair could get humans in trouble in this galaxy. People sometimes see it and shoot first, asking questions later. With the sharp features and eyes that shifts between golds, browns and greens in different light, he makes a striking human. Maybe not typically attractive, but definitely striking. John can't help but think he looks more alien like this than he normally does, however. 

They make it all the way to the stone tablets without incident, and begin documenting the information with high resolution pictures and a recording, Todd's mastery of Ancient quite fluent if vaguely threatening. John is still halfway distracted at the sight of Todd looking human, wearing clothing that weren't Wraith in design. They're borrowed from Halling, the only human they know whose size is close enough to Todd. Ronon is the same height, but far broader in build, and John is too short. It looks plain weird, a Wraith playing dress-up as a human. 

John isn't comfortable with the device, and not just because of how strange Todd is looking. It has implications he doesn't like, if a Wraith can easily infiltrate human settlements now. Not that they can't already; that was one of the main reason they kept worshippers. Still, it would make it a lot easier for Wraith to do whatever they wanted. 

Eventually, they have everything documented and recorded, and they pack up and head back. There are a few other humans around, and none of them look too strangely at Todd. They're more likely to give John an odd look, since his clothing is obviously not Pegasus galaxy design. Todd mostly looks like a creepy Athosian. 

They're almost back to the gate, away from the locals, when they're finally stopped, and again, it's obviously not because Todd's wraithiness is somehow showing. The man holding them up is shaking, his breath erratic and his pupils wide, clearly in the abstinence phase of some sort of substance abuse. The man himself looks like John could toss him over his shoulder, never mind what Todd could do, but John knows better than to mess with drug addicts of any kind. They tended to be desperate, and desperation made them dangerous, and that was without the weapon the man was carrying. 

A Genii shotgun, with its iconic triple barrels. John has seen the damage those guns can do, and though the guy is trembling like a wreck, he's close enough that good aim isn't a necessity. 

"Give me your valuables!" The man demands, teeth clattering. 

Holding his hands up in an universal "not dangerous" way, John shakes his head. "We haven't got anything valuable," he says. "Just some books and food. You can take the food if you want." They don't need it, so he slides his pack off of his shoulder and pushes it towards the man with his foot. Todd is carrying the tablet, and it's locked currently, so he doesn't think it'll attract much attention. 

The man bends and rummages through the pack as best he can with his weapon still pointed at John, digging out the food. "You've got to have valuables," he says. "Nobody comes here without valuables. It's a trade planet." 

"We did," John tries to convince him. "We're here to record some old history, nothing else." 

"Don't believe you..." The man murmurs, shivering again, and hoists his gun higher, aiming at John's head. "Kill you," he says, swaying a bit. "Then I can take all your things. Your coat looks warm." 

The man begins to pull the trigger, but before John can react, he's pushed out of the way and there's a loud bang. 

The would-be killer is staring, eyes wide in fear and confusion, and John can see why. In pushing him out of the way, Todd has gotten in-between him and the shooter, and the shot must have damaged the holographic emitter, because Todd looks like himself again, six foot four of angry, snarling Wraith. He lashes out and knocks their robber to the ground, the man unconscious before he even hits the ground. 

John is about to comment on him letting the man live when he sees the massive hole the gun has left in Todd's back, a large and gaping hole. There is so much blood and John's mind blanks for a moment, panicking. He hasn't brought enough bandages to deal with that, not enough antiseptics, and painkillers doesn't even work on Wraith. 

His mental flailing is interrupted by Todd's hand on his, surprisingly gentle. "Sheppard?" He asks, and there's concern in his voice, in his voice and in his eyes.

Something snaps, that increasingly fragile tether that has been holding him back, and he grabs onto Todd's coat and kisses him, harder and a good deal more clumsily than he has intended. He expects to be rebuked somehow, a push or a gentle shove, but instead, Todd makes a strange, pleased sound and pulls him closer, responding to the kiss like he has waited for that as long as John has. 

They cling together for a good while before pulling apart, John trying desperately to catch his breath. Todd looks somewhat less ruffled, which isn't fair. He has a massive hole in his back. He shouldn't look that pleased with himself.

The gun can't have had all three shells loaded, or the hole would have gone right through him, a potentially lethal injury even to a Wraith. As John makes him turn so he can look, he can see the flesh already knitting itself together and stopping the bleeding. Todd must have fed recently. The shirt is a lost case, however. John suspects Halling won't care that much. 

"You'll be all right?" He asks when he finds his voice again, glad to see the damage is manageable. It probably still hurts terribly, but it's healing. 

Todd nods. "I will heal," he agrees. "The gun only had a single shell, and it was faulty. It went off as it excited the barrel."

Looking at the man on the ground, John can see him bleed from several lacerations now. "Guess we get to drag him back to the gate then," he says. He can't leave the man, even if he had attacked them. Drugs do things to the mind, and John remembers Ford too clearly to leave this poor bastard behind. 

Even if he would much rather kiss Todd again, to see if it was as nice when it wasn't adrenaline fuelled. Duty first, though, and they rig up a kind of a stretcher with some sticks and the fire blanket from John's pack. Ever since he was caught in that rainstorm, he has been making sure to always have one, just in case.

Once they're back on Atlantis, and Carson has tended to Todd's back as best he can, removing fabric so it won't get stuck as he heals, they end up in John's room, looking at each other expectantly. 

"This is where we talk about this?" John asks, with a sense of dread. It's always when talking about it the problems begins.

"We could," Todd agrees. "If you wish. I have waited for you to do that for a while. I have had time to think." 

John scowls at him. "You could have said something!"

"Your people had rules," the reply comes, Todd looking at him with a small smile, a genuine one for once. "And then when that was dealt with, I thought it better to let you make the first step. Humans are strange about these things, and I am very patient." 

Snorting, John takes his hand and pulls him over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. "Of course you are. You're immortal. If I'd had any idea you were interested..." He trails off

"What would you have done?" Todd asks him, sitting down on the bed next to him, entwining their fingers instead of letting go of his hand. It's the only place in the room with room enough for both of them to sit. 

"Kissed you ages ago, for one thing," John mutters in reply, though he's not really that annoyed. 

Todd makes a slow, purring sound of appreciation, leaning in. "Then," he says, his voice a low murmur. "I will have to make up for those lost kisses."

Leaning into the kiss, John smiles and finds he doesn't mind at all.

**Author's Note:**

> I should mention that I don't have a problem with religion. I have a problem with religion used as a tool of oppression.


End file.
